Divorce Agreement by John J. Wall

Got this email and thought i should share it. Here is a young student’s take on Americas divided parties.

Democrats and Republicans Divorce Agreement

Democrats and Republicans head to head

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950’s or the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce…. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.  We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.  You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.

We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We’ll keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.  We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We’ll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this?  If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you Answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.

P. S. S. And you won’t have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

8 thoughts on “Divorce Agreement by John J. Wall

  1. This is the attitude that Mississippi took after the civil war. How are they doing now? P.S. I made a 2 levelheaded comments on on John J. Wall’s Facebook page. He deleted them and blocked me from making any more. He has issues with criticism. He already lives in a small bubble, why split up the country?

  2. I would love that. Please republicans, go. We’ll split the national parks and the characteristically American cities like Key West that both sides love. You can have the pick of the rest. Then at 18, everyone from each side has to chose which America to be in. I would love that.

    Don’t worry, we won’t let you down. Every once in a while we will send you an economic care package. But it will include condems.

  3. Dear John:

    You don’t get to divide the landmass by wealth. It would be divided by population. As you can see from the chart below, 80% of the nation ‘s people only have 7% of the financial wealth of the nation, so the poorest 80% get 80% of the landmass.

    Financial Wealth
    Top 1 percent Next 19 percent Bottom 80 percent
    1983 42.9% 48.4% 8.7%
    1989 46.9% 46.5% 6.6%
    1992 45.6% 46.7% 7.7%
    1995 47.2% 45.9% 7.0%
    1998 47.3% 43.6% 9.1%
    2001 39.7% 51.5% 8.7%
    2004 42.2% 50.3% 7.5%
    2007 42.7% 50.3% 7.0%

    Next, if 21% of Americans consider themselves liberal as the graph below shows and if the distribution of wealth is the same among liberals, then you lose 4.2% more of the landmass. Your group is now entitled to only 15.8% of the landmass.

    Next let’s add 2% for all of the conservative people at NBC and in Hollywood and the rest of the entertainment industry (yes they exist) because you used a broad brush. That leaves you and the other wealthy, selfish, closed-minded folks with just 13.8% of the landmass.

    So what happens next. As we have a huge population advantage over you, we have decided that you get your 13.8% or 523,584 square miles in the following states: Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, Connecticut, Rhode Island, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Delaware, Virginia, West Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia and Florida. Now that doesn’t bring us up to your total so we are throwing in Ohio. That brings you to 537,408 square miles (you can check my total here http://www.enchantedlearning.com/usa/states/area.shtml) but we are liberal so we are nothing if not generous. We will give the extra land as a parting gift. I am sorry for you wealthy folks who will have to give up your McMansions, ranches, vacation homes and other valuable property. You can try to sell before you leave but there is so much land and homes and so little wealth among the people you have abandoned that I am afraid the market will be quite depressed. Let’s see, you can probably get about $40,000 for that 8 bedroom, 6½ bath home overlooking Lake Tahoe.

    What happens next? We liberals, illegal aliens, poor and entertainment folks will have to find someone to work all of those businesses and industry. Well, we will already have a few people in place. Everyone who runs American industry is not Conservative. We also will have a nice unskilled and semi-skilled labor pool. We will be humming in no time and, guess what, most people will have a home to live in, unless you burn them down in a mean-spirited manner before you leave.

    What about life on your turf? Well, ditches will still need to be dug, toilets cleaned and buses driven so, John, I hope you have some work clothes among the Versace lawyer’s suits. Maybe you won’t do it because you won’t be in the lower strata of the United States of Wealth. But someone will now be in the lowest 20% and they, with all of their money, will become the new poor in this fledgling nation. Uh-oh, menial jobs will either pay very, very well or your currency will be devalued so that the 80% can be served by the 20% as they are now. Of course you could import labor at great expense from the Caribbean and Africa but they aren’t going to want to commute so you will have to house them. No problem, there are many tenements and housing projects in the United States of Wealth. They can live there. Uh oh, you now have poor people and they are multiplying rapidly. They want the right to vote and higher wages. They strive to live in a manner that gives them dignity. You gave up 86.2% of the United States and you are back where you started except for two things. You wiretapped each other without permission and paranoia is running rampant and every time you felt snubbed or slighted by a foreign nation you invaded and tried to, how did you put it, hammer them. You are under attack by those nations singly, in groups and the soldiers you took with you, who get paid very little, are starting to see that you are getting them into rich men’s wars that are poor men’s fights. They start to emigrate, weakening your defenses. Don’t look to us. Remember we are a bunch of peaceniks for whom you have nothing but contempt.

    One last thing John, you have some coal over there but virtually no oil so you will be totally dependent on foreign oil. Heck we might sell you some but it is not going to be cheap. Welcome to supply and demand. It’s OK, though you have all that money or do you. Your currency has plummeted versus the rest of the world due to you need to create a dependent class in order to get them to do menial jobs. Also you import most things as you did when you were running the good ole USA. John, I have to say, I think you have made a major blunder here.

    Thomas Broido
    207 Pineridge Rd.
    Havertown, PA 19083
    home: 610-853-1631
    cell: 610-348-3297
    [email protected]

    Note: The graph image did not convert. It can be seen at this address:


  4. This a fantastic insight into how things really work. I am impressed and proud. If “they” would finally get it we could begin to live better lives…. But they are happy with poverty and handouts….

  5. Broido is an idiot. He didn’t say it was a divorce agreement with the top 20% of earners and the rest of the country. It is a division of the dems and reps, ie around 50/50 in our country. Good try on that huge novel that has nothing to do with the actual article. Typical liberal to dance around the facts to make their point seem valid!

  6. Thanks mike for stating the obvious. Yes it’s typical for liberals to rationalize why they should get more than they’ve actually worked for or deserved. That is after all their motto, redistribution from those who will work hard and take their knocks accordingly to those who just want to sit around and philosophize and suck up oxygen. The world works differently than that.even the animals know this, too bad our human idioblogs can’t seem to wrap their brains around the concept of survival of the fittest and all the other laws and forces of nature. There are natural/physical laws that were set in motion when the earth was formed and they coincide and agree with spiritual laws and that my friends is the meaning and makeup of life….. Once you get a grasp on that peace abounds over all things because you know someone else is actually in control… But the liberals will always reel and fight it.

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