Colbert Report Explores Ricky Martin, Catholic Sex Scandals, and the Opinions of Simon Johnson

Stephen is Fighting for America

In Tuesday’s Colbert Report, Stephen expresses his surprise when Ricky Martin comes out of the closet, admitting that the news has rendered him upside-inside-out. He is saddened by the fact that The Holy Week has been tainted by more priest abuse cases, which are slowly popping up across Europe. Stephen urges everyone to forgive and forget, since sex abuse has only been committed by 4% of priests.

Another edition of “Thought for Food” discusses Nature Babycare Diapers – which are manufactured from corn-based materials – and a study asserting that fatty foods are as addictive as heroin and crack cocaine. Stephen laughs at Jaimie Oliver, when his show fails to convince kids that chicken-carcus-slurries don’t make a good chicken nugget.

Stephen was surprised to hear that Ricky is gay

Stephen interviews Simon Johnson about his book 13Bankers, in which he discusses the five year pattern of wallstreet-sanctioned financial meltdowns. He explains why failure is important to the market, and how Obama’s administration failed to break up with big banks. He calls the president a capitalist, and admits that he doesn’t have faith in the country’s judicial system. Johnson also convinces Stephen about the danger of the enormous banks, and how they metaphorically flip over the game board when they start to lose at their global game of economic monopoly.

Stephen Colbert Celebrates Passover, and Chats with Senator McCaskill

Stephen is Fighting for America

Stephen welcomes Jewish viewers with a humble shalom, which he describes as the hebrew word for “aloha,” and celebrates Passover by inviting Elijah over for seder. When he learns that he’s been stood up yet again, he turns desperately to fill the slot with Senator Claire McCaskill. He uses a top-shelf bottle of Maneshewitz wine – intended for theĀ seder – to degrease an old bike chain, and finds that free health care means that it makes sense to wash your hands with raw chicken.

In other news, hundreds of vultures are reportedly circling the Sun City retirement community in Georgetown, Texas; Americans have started to target those who voted for the Health Care reform bill, and Republicans vow not ever to cooperate on a bill like H.R. 4495, where both parties revolutionarily worked together to rename the United States Postal Service building in Patagonia, Arizona, the ‘Jim Kolbe Post Office.”

Senator McCaskill stands firmly behind the president's reformation of health care

Later in the show, Stephen tips his hat to the Jews after he learns that they’ve gone commercial with Passover, sighting a product at Bed Bath and Beyond, which renders the ten biblical plagues as wonderful finger puppets. He closes with an interview with Senator McCaskill, who expresses her expert vision of how to improve America, and grants well-wishes to Rush Limbaugh who is out looking for a better life in Costa Rica.