Scarves: Essential survival tools of a Seattleite

Scarves that keep the neck warmWritten by: Marina Ignatyeva

As another rainy autumn hits Seattle, with the promise of a cold winter after it, most fashion-conscious Seattleites are frantically trying to balance insulation with beauty. How does one manage such a colossal task, especially since the neck area loses the most heat? Most people prefer not to sacrifice their pretty and comfortable clothes and wear turtlenecks. Thankfully, retailers in every major mall have stepped up and delivered only the greatest and most essential invention of any cold season: scarves.

Now, my own recollections of scarves from my childhood had not been positive. They were ugly, bulky, had to always be retied, and worst of all were scratchy. Yes, they kept me warm during the very cold winters in Moscow, Russia, and in the Midwest. That does not mean I appreciated them.

So why do I now approve of these formerly-disliked articles of clothing? Simple: redesign. The scarves sold in my favorite retail stores, such as Nordstrom, are gorgeous, warm and made of the softest materials imaginable. There are wool scarves, cashmere scarves and simple cloth ones. They come in a myriad of colors, from cream and white to bright colors such as turquoise to dark ones like black. The scarves come in solid colors, designs, and multicolor bundles of joy.

The designs of the scarves are made to fit every taste. There are intricately knit scarves that look like a beautiful mesh; there are scarves that are knit so tightly that there are no gaps. Some scarves are sewn together from different patches; some are sewn from one cloth.

Best of all, there are different types of scarves. I, for the life of me, cannot wrap a scarf around my neck and keep it from either falling off or strangling me. That is why the discovery of a scarf that does not need to be tied was so essential to me. This season, I have a beautiful scarf that is sewn together at the ends, forming a giant scarf-y hoop. The scarf can be then wrapped around the neck again, similarly to a giant strand of pearls, forming two fluffy halos around one’s chest and neck. Asphyxiation and heat loss are no longer a concern!

Recap: Scarves are an essential part of any ensemble. They look good with hoodies, trench coats, sweaters and windbreakers, or whatever else people decide to throw on themselves before braving the rain and cold. Scarves can be worn by both genders, making them versatile. Most importantly, they are fluffy, gorgeous pieces of heaven that keep people warm. Use them.

P.S. – Scarves are not just for Seattleites.

John Oliver, the Republican Winter Convention, and the Amerigasm

"Now that We're Here, Let's Talk Main Street"

John Oliver went to Hawaii to walk on the beach, eat grilled-seaweed-wrapped fish form the ocean, and to watch fireworks while drinking exotic fruit cocktails. But, none of this exhibits the typical elitist democratic behavior, which Fox news claims is out of touch with the everyday American. Mr. Oliver was just trying to get an interview with the Republicans, while they  attended their modest winter convention (held in Waikiki).

In the interview, he got answers about how the Democrats are elite-college-attending-goody-goodies who have no idea about what the average American needs. Fortunately, they had time between their hot-stone massage and private submarine tours to discuss the “everyman’s” reality of the Republican party with him.

Conventional Tea-Party Wisdom Says

In other news – the Amerigasm! The All-American trifecta of perfection: a Superbowl, Ronald Reagan’s birthday, and the Nashville Tea-Party Convention! It happened over the weekend, where Tom Tancredo gave a crowd-pleasing speech about the committed socialist ideologue, Barack Hussein Obama,¬†who found his way to power upon the shoulders of those who can’t spell ‘vote,’ nor say the simple word in English. Products of all sorts (like t-shirts and jewelry) were readily available to those in attendance; and so, those in attendance were readily available for purchase.

One can only hope that main street is soon covered with sand, and that one day the brilliant protester doesn’t have to dumb-it down to be understood by the opposition.