Republican Rick Perry may be running for a third full term against Democratic Bill White, but he won’t ever run from danger. The Texas Governor told the press that he won a confrontation with a coyote on Tuesday, thanks to his laser-sighted pistol. He admitted that he always carries his .380 Ruger – fully loaded with hollow-point bullets – out for jogs on the trails around his home, and that this time it came in handy when he needed to protect his dog‘s life.
He said it’s because of his fear of snakes, but everyone knows that rocks are as effective as hollow-point bullets when it comes to killing a reptile. But, according to Texas state law, citizens are entitled to shoot at coyotes if they feel that the creature is threatening their livestock or domestic pets. And so, when Perry was confronted by the coyote, who did not heed the governor’s vocal warnings, he had no choice but to send it to coyote heaven.
Perry admitted that the coyote went down immediately following the gunshot wound, and that it probably didn’t feel any pain. He acted with the intentions of saving the young retriever from harm, and protect it he did. The young family dog wasn’t harmed, though the coyote was left to rot in the middle of the dusty road.
As for the gun blast, no report was required, since – according to the Department of Public Safety Spokeswoman, Tela Mange – people are constantly shooting coyotes and snakes, and none of the cases are ever reported.
Glad to hear that Gov. Rick Perry was able to save himself and his retriever from a coyote that happened to come across his path this morning.
Just a couple of questions, for the gov., though.
1. Were you threatened by the coyote, or just startled?
2. As a self-proclaimed sportsman, did you really need a lazer-sighted pistol to take the beast out?
3. How big is your dog?
4. Could a well-placed rock have chased the critter away?
5. Did you just leave the carcass to rot?
6. How big is your dick?
Have a nice, coyote-free day, you big brave Texan.
On behalf of the Gov. of Texas, I shall answer these questions.
1). “Well, ya see, now; that doggone kiyote scared the Texas outta me!”
2). “My laser sights is my jesus ray. It tells me where God commands me to shoot.”
3). “Well now, my dog is just a puppy – ya see; So, I’d say he’s a little bigger than my head.”
4) “Now I’m not quite sure w-hut a ‘well-placed’ rock is; however, suppose I threw one at him, guess I coulda cracked him in the head if I placed one well against his head.”
5). “Yup – said in an interview that it was “going to turn to mulch.”
6). “Tell you w-hut: as soon as my beautiful wife finds it – she’ll let us both know.”
High five on a coyote-free day friendly American.
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